70-Year-Old Man Admitted to Hospital After Inserting Fork Into Urethra

Wanna fork? Apparently one man from Australia did, as he inserted the nearly 4-inch dining utensil into his urethra because that's the fun way to eat peas.

The 70-year-old man from the capital city of Canberra admitted himself to the hospital's emergency room nearly 12 hours after inserting the object into his penis. He told the medical staff he had inserted the object in an attempt to achieve sexual gratification. I'm not sure what exactly could be gratifying about that, but I have my guesses. "Can I get a starting pitch?" "Oh here, let me just slap my dong against the table. Key of D."

Via The Canberra Times:

The fork was not visible but doctors were able to feel it from the outside and X-rays showed its position.

Doctors considered several retrieval options before deciding to pull the fork free using forceps and "copious lubrication" while the patient was under a general anesthetic.

The elderly patient was then sent home.

Maybe he was just really, really confused about which side of the plate the fork goes on. Remember, "spoon" and "knife" have five letters, so they go on the right. "Fork" has four letters, so it goes in your dick.

While inserting the fork handle-side first may seem like the logical approach, you're really just setting yourself up for all sorts of pain and misery. It's like a dog sniffing a foxtail, easy on the way in, but getting it out requires a trip to your local vet.

Apparently he was under general anesthesia, but considering this guy gets off on having forks in him, I'd imagine he'd want to be awake for the procedure, or at least get the OR video tape afterwards.

Either way, I think we need to give this man a medal. He's a pioneer in the field of "what can we stick up our pee-hole and how long can it stay there" research, paving the way for future generations of young scientists: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iYO8oGmEBBE